Heh...Tucker Carlson from "Crossfire" on CNN and Jon Stewart got in a bit of a argument over the weekend. I guess Jon came out and accused him of being biased in his reporting of the election coverage, and Tucker said that he had no right to talk about journalism because Stewart is primarily a comedian.

This coming from the guy who honestly thought he could get a legit interview out of Britney Spears. Tie that bowtie a little tighter, Tucker. ("Tucker" rhymes with "fucker"!)

Tonight is a pay-per-view night at BW3s, Taboo Tuesday. So being that it's a pay per view, I've gotta make myself gorgeous. Trying to figure out what to wear, go clean myself up, etc. I've been thinking about a haircut, more like a trim. (Two inches, just to get rid of split ends and to even out the bottom a bit...starting to look a little straggly.)

Also trying to figure what I'm wearing to Fright Fest on Sunday. I'm probably going to stick with jeans and sneakers. (It's Six Flags, after all.) Maybe my Jackass hoodie, if I can't find anything better.

~~fin~~

Well, look who's speaking to me again. Hmm.

Karly said that Ed said something along the lines that he "really needs to patch things up with Holly." It's going to take him a hell of a lot more than hanging out and going to see Team America to patch things up with me, that's all I have to say.

So continues the long bumpy road of friendship.

~~fin~~

Very tired. I had to be up this morning by 6 and be at work by 7 to do inventory, since I decided to fill in for Crystal.

The computer is screwing up again. Couldn't log into Yahoo to check my email. Couldn't log into LJ to snoop around.

Yep, it's gonna be one of those days.
~~fin~~

Update from the last couple of days. I got word that a friend of mine that I went to high school with (Jon Bright) is getting deployed out to Iraq within the next month. I am so scared for him right now, but I'm also very proud of him. You don't know that many people who are willing and brave enough to go defend our country, and I sincerely hope he comes back in one piece or just comes back.

~~fin~~

Woke up this morning with major stomach pain. I don't know what the problem was, but I was on the toilet trying to take a shit so I'd feel better. I'm feeling better now.

Jonny stood me up last night. But only because he says he forgot his cellphone and directions to get to Showplace at work. So I watched Garden State by myself. Weird, but amusing. Kind of reminded me of Lost In Translation.

Got my paycheck today, and went to WalMart for a little bit. Got myself a new (cheap) t-shirt and some powder.

Also got word today that a friend of mine from high school is getting deployed out to Iraq in the next month. I am so scared for him right now, and I'll be thinking of him and hoping he comes back all in one piece.

That's pretty much it for me today.

~~fin~~

I got a call from Tina today. I don't even really want to get into details, even though I know nobody from cast really reads my Blogger account, but I guess Tina kinda cheated on Jacob with Chester. The good thing is at least Tina told Jacob about it instead of keeping it from him and being more of a liar. I can't think of a way she hurt him more, but I'm not one to be put in a position of judgment, even though we all more or less do to an extent. (I leave that to God.) I don't think of her as a terrible slut, because I know she's not like that. I think it's in human nature to cheat, or be compelled to anyway.

In news...Hurricane Ivan has hit the Florida panhandle and southern Alabama. Luckily it missed Grandma Cozie, but it did hit Pensacola Beach, where Sue lives. We tried calling information for her phone number, but she's unlisted, and we're not sure how she's doing down there.

Talkin' to Ami right now. Matt got a job as an assistant manager at the GameStop down in Lafayette, which is good. It doesn't seem like they've been married for a whole year. Time flies fast!

~~fin~~

I just love it when so-called friends decide to be completely selfish and ignore me.

Zero used to like talking to me online. Now he just fucking ignores me.

Probably either bickering or trying to smooth things over with that damn old flame of his.

Yeah, I know. I should just get over it. But you know...I wouldn't be so much pissed if he at least made an effort to try to stay friends. So I'm going to bad-mouth him as much as I want to.

Fuck him. Fuck him up the butt.

~~fin~~

Well, looks like I'm abandoning my LiveJournal for a bit, since it obviously looks like no one is reading it or paying attention. Besides, I've been on the computer too much for my own good anyway. Then again, I don't really have all that much for a social life. That'll all change. I plan on being back and active at Rocky Horror starting September 25th, despite what Mom wants or thinks. Maybe if I'm away from my LiveJournal, people will appreciate me. And besides, regarding certain individuals...out of sight, out of mind, right? At least I know that barely anybody knows about my Blogger account, so I can rant to my heart's content.

Work has been okay. I've been promoted, but I've been a little slow at picking up on things. I figure if I work a few closings in a row, I'll grow more accustomed to it and get into a routine. I think my pay increase takes effect starting this paycheck I get this week. *Crosses fingers and hopes*

As you can see, the Blogger look has been updated. It's not the purple coolness anymore. I wanted something that would look a little more readable for me.

I guess Dan proposed to Becky. Good for him. Actually, Mom and I have figured it out. Since the Prendergasts are going to be moving back to Joliet and Dan doesn't really want to go back and live with Mommy and Daddy anymore but he still can't really take care of himself the way his Mommy does (and this is really nothing against Dan's mom, because she's a sweetheart; it's more about Dan letting his mom have so much control over his life to the point where he's been coddled), we figure that he's proposed to her so he still has some female "mother-figure" type in his life to help pick up after him and keep his life in order and that sort of thing. So heh...good for him. But it's funny...he and I still talk online every once in a while, and the conversations will start out all right, but then he'll ask how "things" are with me, and it gets very awkward...kind of like he knows he's not all that involved in my life anymore and he's still concerned, but I really don't like talking to him all that much about personal stuff anymore. We've lost that sort of closeness, as far as I'm concerned.

I got a call from the WalMart in Merrillville today. Kevin put in an application there, and he put me down as a reference.

Ooh, here's some interesting news. I might have to serve jury duty in Hammond in October. I had to send my notice back to the courthouse of course or else I'll get in trouble with the government, so I should be getting a definite notice sometime soon. Yeah, you'd think I'd be groaning about it, but actually I'm not because there are perks. I get $20 if I'm selected, I get paid $40 per day served, I get paid 34 cents for every mile I have to travel to and from home to the courthouse, and they supply us with meals. Not too shabby.

I think that's all I care to update for now. More later.

~~fin~~

Okee dokee. I'm taking time off from my LJ for a bit in the hopes that I know people will be reading my journal when I come back.

Truth be told, I've missed my Blog. I kind of feel like I have to censor myself on my LiveJournal regarding certain people who have my LJ on their friends' list (whom I so wonderfully ranted about in my last entry). I've been doing a lot of that sort of ranting in my regular pen-and-paper journal, but I feel I get the point across quicker on a keyboard.

Damn, I'd kill for a laptop. Eventually, one of these days. *meh*

I seriously think I hate Zero. I really really do.

I've done nothing but think about him everyday for the last year. I've had a crush on him, and it' s been bugging me to tell him how I feel. And just when I think I'm getting somewhere, he drops the ball on me.

First of all, he broke my heart. Hard enough to deal with.

Second of all...for the way he's put me through the wringer, for being such a good "friend" that he says he is, what with his "morals" and shit...what a fucking hypocrate.

I don't know if I can be friends with him anymore if he is going to treat me like this.

I feel like he deceived me. I feel like he led me on.

I thought it hurt when Jacob and I broke up. I thought it hurt to deal with it when Dan started dating after we broke up.

This has got to hurt the worst of all.

He has the balls to tell me, "This has nothing to do with lack of chemistry." And then be all, "Oh, well I'm VERY happy with my girl now."

FUCK YOU, ZERO. I HOPE SHE BREAKS YOUR HEART AGAIN. I HOPE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH A LOT MORE SHIT THAN WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH BEFORE BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU TO CRY ON MY SHOULDER WHEN IT ALL GOES WRONG AGAIN. I'M TIRED OF BEING THE ONE YOU GET ALL FLIRTY AND AFFECTIONATE WITH. I WILL REFUSE TO LET YOU HUG ME OR TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN. AND BELIEVE ME, I AM GOING TO TRY TO GET EVERYONE IN CAST TO GO AGAINST YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE WRONGED ME AND HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED. AND WHEN SHE DUMPS YOU AGAIN--AND BELIEVE ME SHE WILL--I HOPE IT HURTS YOU LIKE IT'S HURTING ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT!! I say I'll never neglect my Blog again, and what do I do? I NEGLECT MY BLOG. Poor Bloggy, I'll never do that again. *kisses and cuddles Blog*

Yeah, I'm weird. I <3 my Blog. It's nice and purple.

So, it's been ages. What have I been up to, you say? Fucking around? *ha ha* I wish! I can't get any action. I'm on the lookout for guys, don't get me wrong. It's been hard, though, but I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and come to a major conclusion in my life: guys like hot chicks, and I have to learn to not be intimidated by it. I just wish I were a better flirt. I can't help it. I'm a tease, and guys don't like that. (At least, I don't think they do.)

The work situation? NO MORE SPENCER'S FOR ME!!! Jan just told me she wasn't going to put me on the schedule anymore, so ha ha. (Not like she was doing much of that in the first place.) Still at Blockbuster, which is going pretty well. From what I understand, I'm due for a raise and even a promotion in a month or so! So snaps to me. And I have a job interview with the Lake County Emissions Control on Wednesday. If I get the job, I'll be a line inspector for when people get their emission tests done to get their plates renewed. Not hard work, I'd imagine. The best part is I'd pretty much be working the day and afternoon shifts, then work at Blockbuster, and there's line for advancement. Pretty fuckin' sweet.

Speaking of sweet..."Dude! We got a Dell!" Yeah! Here's the story. At the beginning of April, my cousin JR passes away. (He had cystic fibrosis.) And turns out he had gotten a new Dell a month or so before he kicked it. NO, we did NOT get it. (Interesting computer story behind all of that later, though.) When we got home, Mom and Hunter got something up their ass and decided to order a Dell. I LOVE IT!! It doesn't go much faster than the old computer, but at least it doesn't kick us offline after ten minutes or so.

Rocky Horror is going okay, I guess. We had Pirate Night this weekend. My costume was retarded, but at least I made an effort. Con is in about two and a half months. I can't wait to get to New York!

The Dan Situation...I don't talk to him all that much anymore. But then again, working my ass off and not being online at night so much kind of keeps me from talking to him. However, all I have to say is this: if he wants to be a close friend, he can fuckin' whip out his little cell phone and give me a ringy-dingy. Yeah, he's a real keeper, isn't he? And if Little Miss Becky wants to show up at the pay-per-view this weekend, go ahead and let her. I have nothing to be pissy about. As a matter of fact, I want to have a tremendous attitude about this. I feel like I've lept a huge hurdle in this--I pitched out a lot of stuff of sentimental value that Dan gave me last night (cards and ticket stubs, except for the WWE ticket and Weezer ticket, cuz those events fuckin' ruled). I may even sell the bunny slippers.

I plan on having a yard sale next week. I need to clear out. I have too much shit that never gets used/worn/etc.

That's all for now. I promise I will post more often!! *BAD HOLLY*

You know what pisses me off? Trends. Especially the new "modern-burlesque" trend, which I blame the Pussycat Dolls Musical Revue for reviving. It was cute at first, but now corset-inspired tops and fishnets and faux garter belts are becoming some of the new "risqué" fashion trends. Don't get me wrong--I find them absolutely cute and attractive, but women are jumping on this trend, and people like me, Rachel, Cecilia, Tina and Elyse wear this stuff as part of our Rocky Horror costumes. I think it just astounds me to see people wearing what I would normally wear on weekend nights as cutesy fashion now. And the thing is, Rocky Horror isn't a part of this trend (even though I'd like to say that those who have done the Rocky Horror cast thing longer than I have are more responsible for it since they've been donning the garb longer). It's because of the Pussycat Dolls and celebrities like Christina Aguilera and Carmen Electra and them who made it popular. And don't get me started on Britney Spears--she's just copying them. If you've seen pictures from the Onyx Hotel Tour, you'll see the obvious burlesque cutesy lingerie rip-off she does, and then the walking on the chairs that she so OBVIOUSLY stole from Madonna's Blonde Ambition tour.

~~fin~~

Yesterday was pretty much uneventful, except for me going to work. Woo. ::whirls fingers in air to mock enthusiasm::

I guess last night, Mom and Hunter had to go to some thing at the high school to get him scheduled for when he starts this fall. If I have any advice for Hunter, it's NOT to listen to the guidance counselors, because they are shitty and worthless. I told Mom to go ahead and have him take Pre-Algebra instead of going right into Algebra I, since Hunter is still struggling in math. (He made a bet with Mom; if he can get an A in math this nine weeks, she will buy him an X-Box. And this is pretty major, because Hunter's math grades are shit-ty.) And now I guess it's not just an elective, but it's required to take at least two years of Spanish. (I wonder if ol' Sally Allen is still teaching it, because he ain't going to learn much from her.) It's now a requirement for two years of physical education. (Mom was all, "Why two years? Why can't they take four if they want to? What about those students who are looking for a career in athletics or physical health or something?") It looks like Hunter wants to take some computer-oriented classes, and I think he's got auto-shop down as an alternate elective, which is good. I kind of regret not taking auto-shop. I think that should be a mandatory class. Every person should know a thing or two about how to do basic repairs on a car, because not everyone knows how.

Man oh man, am I tired. I hope I'm not coming down with something serious, and I really hope this is not mono. That wouldn't be good.

~~fin~~

Your Inner Blonde is Jenny McCarthy

Sure you're hot, but the only guys you seem to attract are twelve year old nose pickers. Maybe you'll make a comeback, but you've got to lay off the bodily functions.


Who's *Your* Inner Dumb Blonde? Click Here to Find Out!

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

The last day has been a day for me to do some thinking. I submitted my Blockbuster schedule in to Jan at Spencer's, and as usual, there is a conflict on here. Like today--I'm working 4 to 10 at Blockbuster, but I'm also working 4 to 9:30 at Spencer's. Here's how I rule it out: Sheri at Blockbuster is giving me more hours because she knows I'm pretty much open to work whenever. Plus, Blockbuster is a whole fifteen minutes away. Spencer's is at the mall, which is a half hour away, and I'm only earning ten (or less) hours a week. I'm still training at Blockbuster. I think I'd rather be working there tonight, so I'm going to have to call up at Spencer's later on today and let Jan know I won't be able to make it in tonight. I don't like this confict and I don't like having to give up my hours, but I think we have too many people working on the schedule that get less than ten hours a week and it's really not worth it. I mean, come on. Jennalee, Josh and I all had to get second jobs because we just aren't earning enough. And if it comes down to it, if I have to quit Spencer's, big deal. I've been bitching and complaining that I'm underpaid and underemployed over there anyway. This is a good reason for me to bolt.

Where else has my mind been wandering to? Something very unexpected. Since we have no more cable but we can still surf the satellite (which is pointless--when I get the money, I'm pitching in for ComCast), Mom and Dad stumbled onto some art show on a wild feed on Saturday afternoon. And as usual, they started getting their stupid "get rich quick" schemes for my future. (I really hate when they go on like that.) As I'm getting ready for work at Blockbuster, I overheard Dad say something like, "Man, do you think that maybe if we had let Holly persue some sort of art career when she was younger, she'd be successful at it?" He and Mom did some thinking to themselves about it. Then Dad had the balls to say something along the lines of, "Do you remember when that guy from that art school called back when she was still a freshman and offered her to take those classes? Maybe if I weren't in such a bad mood that night and said 'no,' she could have made something out of it."

Well, too late NOW, Daddy!! He was the one who had to make a huge-ass stink about it that night. Yeah, he's right. I really, really enjoyed art. I persued it with a passion all throughout middle school! I had high ambitions to work for the Disney studios when I grew up! I wanted to work on the animated movies, or even be an Imagineer or something. But nooooo. I send in an application for art school and a guy from the school calls me up to let me know about some special art classes for young high school students like me, and just because my dad was "in a bad mood," a little part of me died. My ambitions were wasted. Ever since, I haven't really as been devoted to my art. Why is it that so many "authority" figures are against art as a career choice? I remember telling my guidance counselor that I wanted to be a comic book artist (a manga artist, to be specific):

counselor: Why? It's not like we offer Japanese languages courses here at Lowell High School. How will you be able to understand the language?
me: I can take independent courses, can't I?
counselor: Besides, art isn't a very productive career anyway. Besides, you're excellent in your English courses, and you did some work for the middle school's newspaper. I'm going to recommend you to sign up for the high school newspaper. Journalism would be an excellent career path for you.
me: Uh, okay. Sure, whatever.

Lesson learned here, folks? Don't ever listen to your high school guidance counselor. They don't do jack shit for you anyway. Oh, and don't listen to your parents. One "bad little mood" can set you back for the rest of your goddamn life. Thanks a lot, Daddy.

News on the WrestleMania front. Kevin is fighting the good fight for me to show up as well. He told me not to worry about it, seeing as how at least ten other people will end up being there as well. Besides, I got the inside info from him at Rocky this weekend. Word is, he and Amanda have only been out on one date, and by Saturday, he hadn't even heard back from her yet. Dan made it seem like they were about to be serious, and it's nothing close to that yet. (If they do end up hooking up long-term, that's honestly no big deal. But just the way Dan made it sound...and then to set it up for him to bring Becky...what a scumbag.) It's dawned on me. He won't admit it, but he wants to make me jealous. How am I going to fight this? Simple. I'm going to look gorgeous. I'm going to be my absolutely fabulous self. Why, do you ask? Because it is quite obvious that Dans till holds some stupid torch for me. I hate to sound conceited about it, but it's true. Why else is he being so adamant about holding on to our so-called friendship? So I want her to see what a jerk he is, see just how much attention he pays to me while she is around. Oh, you should have seen it when we exchanged those jokes of Christmas presents. He kept offering to get me a drink or something from the Dollar Store or pick up my lunch or whatever. I kept thinking, "Geez, way to go, Dan. Real smooth. Kiss my ass a little more with your girlfriend around." And yes, I want to stir up some argument between the lovebirds just so he can see that she's just his rebound. And then I want to stomp all over Dan's heart a little more because the only reason he wanted to hool up with me in the first place was just to get laid and not be a virgin anymore. I am not that easy, and I'm not a tramp. I have a little more dignity than that.

I said it before, and I'll say it again. Dan is pretty much the real-life version of Brad Majors, right down to the geeky glasses and haircut:



~~fin~~

Just got home from work about fifteen minutes ago. That's another thing I like about Blockbuster--St. John is only about a fifteen-minute drive from where I live.

Well, Saturday (tomorrow/today/whatever) is going to be devoted to working on the Trixie routine. (The costume is going to cost me some money, though. Good thing Blockbuster gives me more hours than Spencer's!) Good thing this is a "practice" for April. I have a really good idea worked out for April. All week, I've been trying to think up a little dance and pulling from all those dance classes back when I was--what? All of eleven or twelve years old?

Listening to the guitar solo on "Tired Of Sex." Damn, I wish I could play guitar like Rivers Cuomo. Hell, I wish I could play guitar PERIOD. ::sigh::

I need to start thinking of what class I'm going to take this summer. Currently, I need a few major classes to finish up in my major, and I need a science class with a lab, a foreign culture class, and one other class in the Humanities class (maybe psychology?). Maybe I'll take chemistry over the summer.

~~fin~~

Okay...Dan has been repeatedly trying to push me into more social interaction with Becky, even though I have repeatedly told him that she's really none of my business and I want to keep it that way. But last night, in a very roundabout way, he tries bringing it up again about bringing her to WrestleMania XX in a couple of weeks. First, he tells me that Kevin and Amanda are kind of seeing each other and if they act sort of affectionate at WrestleMania, I should be given a heads up on that. And you know, that's cool. I'm friends with Kevin, but I've never really seen him as crush-material. (That'd just make me feel weird.) But for Dan to tell me this...it's just setting it up, you know? "Well, if Kevin and Amanda are allowed to be an item and be at a pay-per-view, I think I should be able to bring my precious darling Becky with me. But oh, let me see if Holly will be cool with this, even though she really doesn't want to have anything to do with Becky."

I have grown very sick of this. It's making me question what kind of a friend he is if it's driving me nuts. I feel like I'm letting him walk all over me. I told him I'd feel uncomfortable about it if he went ahead and brought her with, and really didn't want to show up if I'd be uncomfortable, but he just had to fight the good steadfast fight about it so I don't end up missing WrestleMania XX because of his damn girlfriend. At this point, I really don't care. I've grown very sick and tired of all of this bullshit, and if I miss WrestleMania, big fuckin' deal. But "I don't want you hating me because of this" and "I don't want you to miss out on this because of her." He's being a whiny asshole about this, I'm being high-handed and difficult about this (but I think I have the right to be--he's the one putting me in the awkward position) and I don't know what the fuck to do. I want to tell him that yes, if she's going to be there, I'll feel awkward and bad, and why put myself in that position? And frankly, I think he'll just have to deal with me hating him for it. I mean, come on. I have tried my hardest to distance myself from him, just limiting my associations with him to the pay per views and that's it. I don't like hurting people's feelings, but there comes a time when you have to think about yourself for once and just put up that wall around yourself. I didn't attend Paul and Hilary's wedding because of this, and I've missed out on a bunch of other social events because of this, and probably for good reason, too.

Part of me wants to call him up and talk to him about this, or I just want to catch him off-guard at WiseWay or even talk to BECKY, of all people, about this. You know, how would she feel if she were in my position? How will she feel if she and him break up eventually? Will she want to stay friends with him? And if so, would she be able to deal with it if he wanted her to meet his rebound and have some sort of social interraction with her? Maybe I should call Kevin up and get his view on this.

Why the hell did I even get involved with this guy? I am totally resenting this now. I wish I had never gotten involved with Dan, and sucked into his social world where his parents like me really well and his friends think I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread. Maybe if I hadn't been dating Dan way back then, I wouldn't have been so weird about meeting up with certain other friends who worked at the mall around this period that I was somewhat interested in developing some sort of friendship with. Damn, I feel like such an idiot. If I had known that it wouldn't end well with Dan, I would have dumped him earlier and made my move back when you-know-who was still working at the mall. I hate myself.

~~fin~~

Okay, I know I posted this on my LJ a few days ago, but...

Sagittarius Style:
In vino vertias -- and for Sagittarius, in booze
blurtiness:
when battered, they'll spill all your secrets and
many of their own. Tactlessness aside,
Sagittarius is just plain fun to get drunk or
drink with. This is the sign of serious
partying (what else would you expect from the
sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins
and Anna Nicole Smith?); they're the people who
chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the
entire crowed to travel some place else -- like
a night club, or a playground, or Cancun. Good
natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a
high possibility of loopy groping; spontanious
Sag is a brilliant booty call.)


Alcohoroscopes MRK 2- the stars and your drinking style
brought to you by Quizilla

I know I obsess over stuff I should just leave in the past, but dammit, I was thinking last night during my "Sex and the City" marathon...there was an episode where Carrie got mugged, and Miranda ended up going out to dinner with the detective investigating Carrie's case, and just because Miranda got totally wasted on their date, he suggested that she go to A.A. meetings. That is stupid. It's not like these women are stark, raving alcoholics or something. It's all about recreational drinking. And of course, stupid me, I told Dan about what happened this weekend. He's all, "That doesn't sound much like you at all, Holly," blah blah blah, "I worry about you, you're my friend," blah blah blah. Well, I learned my lesson, dammit. It's not like I drink often, and when I do, it's not even that much, so I don't know what Dan's being so whiny about. I don't need a lecture from him about my social activities. Frankly, I think Dan is being a total stick in the mud, and I hate when people get oh-so-worried about me like that. He's acting like I'm on a downward spiral or something when I'm not.

Why the hell do I let him bother me like this?! Why the hell do I even bother to associate with him anymore in the first place? He acts like my A&E Biographer when Justice--Justice, of all people--asks him what's up with me. She knows that he and I don't exactly see things eye to eye and aren't as close as we used to be. If she's so curious about me and my life, why doesn't she just ask me herself instead of asking through the grapevine? I don't understand people sometimes. She's the one who has strongly urged me to distance myself from Dan, so what the hell is this?

But anyway...speaking of my Alcohoroscope...did I act stupid or loopy or anything like that? I know I flashed my tits, but did I end up saying or doing anything else stupid? Did I pull a Britney Spears or anything?

Your Britney. You're breaking free from the
innocent school-girl image and becoming an
edgier, older, more sexy woman.


Which Britney Spears Personality Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Oops, I did it again. Someone kill me now. *hangs herself*

~~fin~~

Hmm...interesting.

I have work at Spencer's today from 2 to 9:30. It's supposed to be an inventory day, which means we'll be dragging all of the costume jewelry and little stuff into the back to control the numbers on it. All of the customers are going to be all, "Where's (item that they're looking for)?" and "Are you going out of business? Because there's nothing on your sales floor."

We are sitting here, discussing health issues. Over the weekend, Mom and Gramma Julie went to this women's health fair at St. Anthony's, mainly so Gramma could get a full blood test reading done. Mom got hers done, as well. Now, here's the thing. They are both at healthy weights, and their blood pressures are okay (Gramma's is still a little up there, but Mom's is perfect), but both of their cholesterol levels are sky-high. Gramma does all that she can to maintain her health--she follows a diet and exercises regularly and takes her medications like she's supposed to--and her cholesterol levels are high. Mom doesn't follow a regular diet, consumes tons of sodium, isn't very active, and hers is sky-high, but she's at a healthy weight and blood pressure. So the only conclusion we can arrive at is that this is hereditary. The thing is, is it worth it to exercise and diet to correct this stuff? Mom doesn't give a rat's ass. She says, "We're all going to die someday," and she has a point, but then again, she has MS. She knows there is no cure for this, and she's just going to get worse. Well, I do care about what happens to me. I'm still young. I want to take care of myself and not get sick. The people at the health fair told Mom that she needs to go see a shrink with an attitude like that. Mom's like, "I don't need to see a shrink. That's the fact of life--you can eat right and exercise and you're going to die anyway." Frankly, I think the people at the fair are right and she does in fact need to see a shrink, because her negative attitude is having an adverse effect on me, Hunter and Dad. But that's just Mom--never thinking about others.

*ha ha* Here is what my Playmate Data Sheet would look like if I ever posed for Playboy:
Name: Holly Brooke
Bust: 36C Waist: 26 Hips: 36
Height: 5'2" Weight: 125 (I want this to be at 110 in the next few months)
Birthplace: Crown Point, Indiana
Ambitions: I would like to have a successful career in the entertainment business. Some day, I'd like to write and direct a major blockbuster film.
Turn-ons: men in tuxedos, good manners, sense of humor, charisma, nice legs, up for anything, is creative (I have a thing for musicians), can speak a foreign language
Turn-offs: Mama's boys, being insincere, major ego-trippers, materialism, pickiness
Five things always in my fridge: hummus, pita bread, chopped veggies, salsa, wine coolers
If I had more time, I would...: Redecorate my whole house, or go to a day spa and get the works.
Five CDs I can't live without: U2--The Joshua Tree, Garbage--Version 2.0, Weezer--Pinkerton, Prince--1999, No Doubt--Return of Saturn
Every woman should have...: A cookbook and a sewing machine. Sounds antiquated, but it helps to know how to cook well and how to repair clothes.

You Should Pose For Playboy!

You're looking to hit the big with mansions and celebrities - and Playboy's your ticket baby!

You'll party with the hottest stars and become Hugh Hefner's favorite girl (or at least one of six).

As a Playboy bunny, you'll swim in the grotto and be the object of every guy's fantasy.

Playboy is very selective about who they let in, but you just might have what it takes.

Who knows? You may be stomping all over Pamela Anderson with your come-fuck-me platforms!

What Porn Magazine Would Kill to Have You On the Cover?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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song of the moment: "The Worst Hangover Ever"--The Offspring

I have now only been drunk a whole whoppin' two times in my life. And I don't know if I want to get that drunk ever again. I didn't like how I felt last night. Oh yeah, it's nice to get that buzz going, but the next thing you know it's coming back up. Maybe if I hadn't have gotten that drunk, I could have enjoyed myself. I don't like vomiting. The last time I vomited was last year. I had a Philly steak and cheese sandwich from Subway, and it didn't agree with me at all. I woke up the next morning, felt like crap, went to the bathroom and puked it all up. I still felt miserable, and I had to be at work to open up the store, and I tried calling up to call off, but I didn't get an answer (because since I'm just a lowly sales associate that Jan doesn't want to give any advancement to, even though I'm an exemplary employee, there has to be a supervisor on duty to open up the store, and usually they have to come in advance). So I didn't get a chance to call off. I called up at ten, when we open, and told Jan I wasn't going to be able to come in because I was sick. She gets bitchy with me, told me I should have called in advance, I argued and told her I tried calling but I got no answer and there was no chance of me coming in because I was violently ill. And it resulted in my one and only write-up at work. Oh darn, I don't really care. I fucking hate that place anyway. Hence, the mad job hunt for the last year or so. But no, I don't like puking. And next time I'm at a party with alcohol, I don't plan on getting drunk...well, not that drunk anyway. This is just my attitude towards drugs and alcohol. I see it like being abducted by aliens. I wouldn't want it to happen because they will probably alter my thought process. It's just scary. Last night, I felt sick and like I couldn't really control what was happening, but hell--that was my own fault, and I couldn't even enjoy the party because of it.

May I also mention how much I can't stand my family? Dad got in one of his cooking moods again and made fried chicken. Fried chicken. That's all he knows--frying shit. It's either a deep-fried Southern style breakfast with fried eggs, bacon or sausage, grits and those buttermilk biscuits...or fried chicken. No more fried stuff!!! It's not aggreeing with my stomach, it's giving me problems in the bathroom, and it's just not healthy. Now maybe it was me coming down from my hangover, or it was me just getting damn sick and tired of having to choke down that crap (no matter how enticing it looks, it still makes me queasy, and he just doesn't get this), but I just ranted about it, how I wasn't even that hungry in the first place, how I didn't feel well anyway, and how he just wastes food like this and he prepares it when no one is even going to eat it all. I just picked at my plate. He will prepare you a plate and want you to at least try it, but that means, "Come on, just eat what's on your plate, I went through all that trouble to make you a meal and you aren't even going to eat it."

I feel like I'm still thirteen years old. I absolutely fucking hate this. I need to move out so damn badly.

And why the hell do I keep smelling stale smoke?

~~fin~~

Want me to recap the story of why I got a new Blog in the first place if my other one was so great? (No, not the LiveJournal...my original Blog.)

Last spring, back when I was still trying to sort out whatever feelings I had left for Dan, I was doing all of this on my old Blog. Now, I guess I had given him a link to my silly work-in-progress Blogger.com account called "The Guide To Being Me." (This has since been deleted.) And I guess it was linked to my original Blog. The thing is, I had given Dan this link before since he had started up a Blog of his own and had given me his link. (Not like he ever posted on it.) After a week, I told him to just delete that link because I was having problems with Blogger back then. But I solved those problems myself, and was back on the blogging circuit with no problems. But...the little asshole never deleted the link, like I told him to. First of all, he was being nosy. Second of all, he didn't listen. It's like he didn't delete it because he wanted to know the dirt I was confessing that I wasn't telling him. (Why would I tell him anyway? He and I broke up--it's not like we're still such close friends.) And he gets all pissy about the stuff I was saying--that he was giving me the line "I still love you, no matter what" and then just throwing himself back into the dating pool like it was no big deal to him, even though he acted like it was a big deal. (Basically, Dan was fucking with my head. He still is, actually.) And I ranted about this shit, calling him an asshole who never really loved me. If he was so head-over-heels in love with me, it sure didn't take him much time after the year-long courtship to get back into the dating scene. So he got all pissy with me, sent me a dirty e-mail about how he couldn't trust me and to stop saying shit about him behind his back. Well, I apologized for that part, but I really went and reamed him a new asshole for peeping onto my Blog when I told him ages ago to delete that link. And I went and called him nosy and "you can't trust me? What kind of a friend is nosy enough to read another person's journal and invade their privacy, even when I told you not to read it? Seems like you're the one who can't be trusted." I even went on a major tirade that just because I have a Blog doesn't mean I'm going to censor what's on it, and he couldn't control what I wrote. Hence, the name of this Blog: I'm A Writer. I Write. Deal With It. That is where I realize he and I are just two completely different people. He is conservative and a shrinking violet and would rather just live in denial and not know the truth. I am liberal minded, I am blunt and opinionated, I have a way with words, and I have to be able to express myself. He and I would not have worked out, and that is pretty much when I got over Dan the Loser.

And that is where we should have just ended it. Right then and there. But noooooooo. I made him feel bad. (Damn right, the fucker.) He begged my forgiveness, saying that yes, he was indeed the one at fault for even reading it in the first place. And he wanted to be able to see my point of view, and he didn't know what he was doing that was so wrong. Well, for starters, I was taking the breakup harder that I thought I would (by this point, I was just so over him--why get all hung up over such a nosy jerk? What would things have been like if we had stayed together?) And for the line of crap he had given me, jerking me around like that, wanting to get together and hang out like we had done before, all of the kissy-huggy affection, have me over to have dinner with his parents and grandparents, but turn around and do all of the same stuff with someone he was intent on having sex with eventually (oh, get this--he wanted to do the "friends with benefits" thing with me until he got a steady girlfriend. THIS is why I don't do the "friends with benefits" thing anymore. Dan hurt me really badly with that.)...nah, I felt like I was...well, being jerked around. Did he think I was going to idly sit by and have no thoughts about it? Hell no. I'm not a meek person. I have feelings and thoughts. I'm a human being, dammit.

So, I guess I go to Rocky Horror every weekend as a sort of sort of cement that fact in This was around when I really started attending more frequently. I knew I at least had one friend up there by that point (Zero) that wouldn't jerk me around, and I wanted to be able to make some new friends. And I have, and I'm grateful for that.

I deleted my old Blog just to escape that tumultuous period in my life, and to try to erase any of the memories I had with Dan that I had recorded in that Blog. He said that he felt bad that I deleted that blog, but hey...can't take that shit back now. Since then, I have worked very hard to build a major wall between the two of us. I don't want him getting closer again. I don't know if I want to let any man get that close again. Maybe I'm just scared of letting my guard down. Maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. Maybe I'm not sure of what I'm looking for in a guy and I need to reassess my priorities. Maybe I just need to have a life first.

(Listen to me rattle on like this...I feel like Carrie Bradshaw.)


You're Most Like Carrie! You are a balance between
all your friends, incorporating both cynicism
and optimism into the group. You're uniqe, and
never want to betray that about yourself. You
will never stop looking for answers, but you
don't let that get in the way of living life.
You know when to reserved, and when to be
daring. Most of all, you're fun and
charasmatic!


What 'Sex and the City' Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


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I hate waking up in the morning and hearing Mom gab on the phone to Gramma about useless shit. Gramma calls five or six times in the day just to report some of the stupidest things, and Mom conversely calls her back. I can't stand it. When I am living on my own, I won't be calling my mom every single day, let me tell you that. This morning she was complaining about how I went to go see The Passion of the Christ the other day, then went and rented DVDs last night at work. So big whoopie shit deal--I went to see a movie. Honestly, I think she just gets jealous because she never gets off of her ass to do anything more than clean and buy more groceries. She was telling Gramma about the new job and how it'll be better than the job at the mall in the long run. But she still absolutely hates me going to Rocky Horror every weekend. Well, if I'm generating income, I'm going to be there. It's not like I blow so much money doing this. Cast members get in for free, and it's only five minutes away from the mall--I'm not buring much in gas just to be there. I have a social life. All she does is sit at home and watch stupid court shows and soap operas. And then she's on my ass about the next car insurance payment I have to pay her. I told her to keep her pants on and I'll pay her with my first paycheck from Blockbuster. Sometimes I think she's just so pissed that Dad's bringing in such small paychecks (he needs another job) that to make up for it, she thinks she can just bitch at me for money. Greedy bitch. Why don't she get off her ass and look for a job to help generate some income? I know I did. And don't let the MS stop you--I'm sure she can get a job as a cashier somewhere where all she has to do is stay behind the register and press buttons.

Blockbuster is going okay, so far. I realized who one of my supervisors is--I went to elementary school with Christy; we were in the same class. She remembered me; I remembered her once I got a better look at her. I wasn't close friends with her--she hung out with Dana Freeman and Michelle York and them, and I was pretty good friends with Dana at least, but I really wasn't a staying part of their little clique. *ha ha* Look at me, reminiscing about my childhood twice in one post.

I have to perform tonight. And then there's Cecilia's party afterwards. Good. After being stuck in the house all the last week with my mother (besides The Passion of the Christ), I need out. *writes down on "to do" list: get booze for party...pick up a little something for Cecilia...gas for car...POSTERBOARD!! (I'm going to get started on the "Time Warp" instructions for tonight's show.)

That reminds me...when I threw the idea to both Zero and Chris (Hot Topic Pants Chris...same Chris who tried making a move back in acting class), since they're both playing the Criminologist, they both went for the idea. But Chris tried taking it a step farther and asking him if he could help me with making it. I told him I could do it myself with no real problems, but I think he just wanted a chance to exchange phone numbers. Here's the deal...he's nice and all, but I'm not interested. But if I'm working at the mall and he drops by Spencer's to look around, he always tends to linger around me to chit-chat. A few times, he's hung out outside of the store to wait for me to get off of work, and that kind of creeped me out. (In that case, Erica or whomever I'm working with usually just lets me take the back way out of the store.) So while I'm nice to him, I'm trying to keep my distance. And this is what's worrying me. When he first started to come see the show, I freaked out. Not only is he hanging around my place of employment whenever I'm working, but now he's coming to my one sanctuary, my one place to escape everything--parents, work, Dan, my brother, Lowell in general, you get the idea. And now he's in cast. And Zero--my hero (hey! that rhymes!)--is going on hiatus next month. When Chris first started showing up, he'd help keep some distance between the two of us, but...now I'm going to have to find a way to do this on my own. What's a girl to do?

Yes!! I can't believe I gave up on this baby!! I am back, and for good. Man, I miss my Blogger. I forgot how much I liked my setup here as opposed to the LiveJournal account. I'll still use that, but I think I'm going to spend more time here.

So, what has been new with me, you ask? Well, not a whole lot. I had to take a whole semester off of school because IUN is stupid and had to raise its tuition prices up even more. That, and they don't always offer the classes that I need. I was working at WiseWay foods for a bit, but I quit that after two months since they wanted to give me the brunt share of the other tasks to do when I wouldn't be bagging. Yes, you heard me right--bagging. I wanted a cashier's position, but nooo. Bagging. The tips weren't bad, but I don't like the idea of having to restock all of the bags, take out all of the garbage, do five aisles of blocking, reshop the merchandise and cleaning all of the bathrooms while being called up to bag groceries. But after that, I got a seasonal job at the Bath and Body Works in Schererville. It didn't pay bad at all--$7 an hour, but it was only seasonal. *argh* But now I have a second job at the Blockbuster Video in St. John. It's a little over minimum wage, but I'm getting at least 25-30 hours a week, and I can work around the crappy hours I get at Spencer's, so it's not all that bad. However, I threw out quite a few job applications/resumés in the Chicago area. One is for a female sidekick position on a morning radio show (a major one!)I really hope I get that position. The ad said they were looking for a female between the ages of 20 and 30 who was a pop culture junkie and had some Spanish speaking ability. I submitted my tape earlier in the week. Keep your fingers crossed!

I ended up joining the Pink Invaders Rocky Horror Picture Show cast. It's been fun so far--I'm playing Janet.

I think I'm just going to link this baby to my LJ and see if anyone wants to read what was up with me from last spring to the end of last summer when I just gave up on this. Well, the Blogger setup only got changed if you got a new account. So I had to go through and re-publish every damn thing on here. It took quite a while to do. *argh*


Sneakers- funny, laid-back, and goofy, you love to
make people laugh and have a good time. You
enjoy comfort and don't care to much about what
people think of you. You like to hang out with
your buddies and just have a good time. [please
vote! thank you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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