Okay...Dan has been repeatedly trying to push me into more social interaction with Becky, even though I have repeatedly told him that she's really none of my business and I want to keep it that way. But last night, in a very roundabout way, he tries bringing it up again about bringing her to WrestleMania XX in a couple of weeks. First, he tells me that Kevin and Amanda are kind of seeing each other and if they act sort of affectionate at WrestleMania, I should be given a heads up on that. And you know, that's cool. I'm friends with Kevin, but I've never really seen him as crush-material. (That'd just make me feel weird.) But for Dan to tell me this...it's just setting it up, you know? "Well, if Kevin and Amanda are allowed to be an item and be at a pay-per-view, I think I should be able to bring my precious darling Becky with me. But oh, let me see if Holly will be cool with this, even though she really doesn't want to have anything to do with Becky."

I have grown very sick of this. It's making me question what kind of a friend he is if it's driving me nuts. I feel like I'm letting him walk all over me. I told him I'd feel uncomfortable about it if he went ahead and brought her with, and really didn't want to show up if I'd be uncomfortable, but he just had to fight the good steadfast fight about it so I don't end up missing WrestleMania XX because of his damn girlfriend. At this point, I really don't care. I've grown very sick and tired of all of this bullshit, and if I miss WrestleMania, big fuckin' deal. But "I don't want you hating me because of this" and "I don't want you to miss out on this because of her." He's being a whiny asshole about this, I'm being high-handed and difficult about this (but I think I have the right to be--he's the one putting me in the awkward position) and I don't know what the fuck to do. I want to tell him that yes, if she's going to be there, I'll feel awkward and bad, and why put myself in that position? And frankly, I think he'll just have to deal with me hating him for it. I mean, come on. I have tried my hardest to distance myself from him, just limiting my associations with him to the pay per views and that's it. I don't like hurting people's feelings, but there comes a time when you have to think about yourself for once and just put up that wall around yourself. I didn't attend Paul and Hilary's wedding because of this, and I've missed out on a bunch of other social events because of this, and probably for good reason, too.

Part of me wants to call him up and talk to him about this, or I just want to catch him off-guard at WiseWay or even talk to BECKY, of all people, about this. You know, how would she feel if she were in my position? How will she feel if she and him break up eventually? Will she want to stay friends with him? And if so, would she be able to deal with it if he wanted her to meet his rebound and have some sort of social interraction with her? Maybe I should call Kevin up and get his view on this.

Why the hell did I even get involved with this guy? I am totally resenting this now. I wish I had never gotten involved with Dan, and sucked into his social world where his parents like me really well and his friends think I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread. Maybe if I hadn't been dating Dan way back then, I wouldn't have been so weird about meeting up with certain other friends who worked at the mall around this period that I was somewhat interested in developing some sort of friendship with. Damn, I feel like such an idiot. If I had known that it wouldn't end well with Dan, I would have dumped him earlier and made my move back when you-know-who was still working at the mall. I hate myself.

~~fin~~