song of the moment: "The Worst Hangover Ever"--The Offspring

I have now only been drunk a whole whoppin' two times in my life. And I don't know if I want to get that drunk ever again. I didn't like how I felt last night. Oh yeah, it's nice to get that buzz going, but the next thing you know it's coming back up. Maybe if I hadn't have gotten that drunk, I could have enjoyed myself. I don't like vomiting. The last time I vomited was last year. I had a Philly steak and cheese sandwich from Subway, and it didn't agree with me at all. I woke up the next morning, felt like crap, went to the bathroom and puked it all up. I still felt miserable, and I had to be at work to open up the store, and I tried calling up to call off, but I didn't get an answer (because since I'm just a lowly sales associate that Jan doesn't want to give any advancement to, even though I'm an exemplary employee, there has to be a supervisor on duty to open up the store, and usually they have to come in advance). So I didn't get a chance to call off. I called up at ten, when we open, and told Jan I wasn't going to be able to come in because I was sick. She gets bitchy with me, told me I should have called in advance, I argued and told her I tried calling but I got no answer and there was no chance of me coming in because I was violently ill. And it resulted in my one and only write-up at work. Oh darn, I don't really care. I fucking hate that place anyway. Hence, the mad job hunt for the last year or so. But no, I don't like puking. And next time I'm at a party with alcohol, I don't plan on getting drunk...well, not that drunk anyway. This is just my attitude towards drugs and alcohol. I see it like being abducted by aliens. I wouldn't want it to happen because they will probably alter my thought process. It's just scary. Last night, I felt sick and like I couldn't really control what was happening, but hell--that was my own fault, and I couldn't even enjoy the party because of it.

May I also mention how much I can't stand my family? Dad got in one of his cooking moods again and made fried chicken. Fried chicken. That's all he knows--frying shit. It's either a deep-fried Southern style breakfast with fried eggs, bacon or sausage, grits and those buttermilk biscuits...or fried chicken. No more fried stuff!!! It's not aggreeing with my stomach, it's giving me problems in the bathroom, and it's just not healthy. Now maybe it was me coming down from my hangover, or it was me just getting damn sick and tired of having to choke down that crap (no matter how enticing it looks, it still makes me queasy, and he just doesn't get this), but I just ranted about it, how I wasn't even that hungry in the first place, how I didn't feel well anyway, and how he just wastes food like this and he prepares it when no one is even going to eat it all. I just picked at my plate. He will prepare you a plate and want you to at least try it, but that means, "Come on, just eat what's on your plate, I went through all that trouble to make you a meal and you aren't even going to eat it."

I feel like I'm still thirteen years old. I absolutely fucking hate this. I need to move out so damn badly.

And why the hell do I keep smelling stale smoke?

~~fin~~

Want me to recap the story of why I got a new Blog in the first place if my other one was so great? (No, not the LiveJournal...my original Blog.)

Last spring, back when I was still trying to sort out whatever feelings I had left for Dan, I was doing all of this on my old Blog. Now, I guess I had given him a link to my silly work-in-progress Blogger.com account called "The Guide To Being Me." (This has since been deleted.) And I guess it was linked to my original Blog. The thing is, I had given Dan this link before since he had started up a Blog of his own and had given me his link. (Not like he ever posted on it.) After a week, I told him to just delete that link because I was having problems with Blogger back then. But I solved those problems myself, and was back on the blogging circuit with no problems. But...the little asshole never deleted the link, like I told him to. First of all, he was being nosy. Second of all, he didn't listen. It's like he didn't delete it because he wanted to know the dirt I was confessing that I wasn't telling him. (Why would I tell him anyway? He and I broke up--it's not like we're still such close friends.) And he gets all pissy about the stuff I was saying--that he was giving me the line "I still love you, no matter what" and then just throwing himself back into the dating pool like it was no big deal to him, even though he acted like it was a big deal. (Basically, Dan was fucking with my head. He still is, actually.) And I ranted about this shit, calling him an asshole who never really loved me. If he was so head-over-heels in love with me, it sure didn't take him much time after the year-long courtship to get back into the dating scene. So he got all pissy with me, sent me a dirty e-mail about how he couldn't trust me and to stop saying shit about him behind his back. Well, I apologized for that part, but I really went and reamed him a new asshole for peeping onto my Blog when I told him ages ago to delete that link. And I went and called him nosy and "you can't trust me? What kind of a friend is nosy enough to read another person's journal and invade their privacy, even when I told you not to read it? Seems like you're the one who can't be trusted." I even went on a major tirade that just because I have a Blog doesn't mean I'm going to censor what's on it, and he couldn't control what I wrote. Hence, the name of this Blog: I'm A Writer. I Write. Deal With It. That is where I realize he and I are just two completely different people. He is conservative and a shrinking violet and would rather just live in denial and not know the truth. I am liberal minded, I am blunt and opinionated, I have a way with words, and I have to be able to express myself. He and I would not have worked out, and that is pretty much when I got over Dan the Loser.

And that is where we should have just ended it. Right then and there. But noooooooo. I made him feel bad. (Damn right, the fucker.) He begged my forgiveness, saying that yes, he was indeed the one at fault for even reading it in the first place. And he wanted to be able to see my point of view, and he didn't know what he was doing that was so wrong. Well, for starters, I was taking the breakup harder that I thought I would (by this point, I was just so over him--why get all hung up over such a nosy jerk? What would things have been like if we had stayed together?) And for the line of crap he had given me, jerking me around like that, wanting to get together and hang out like we had done before, all of the kissy-huggy affection, have me over to have dinner with his parents and grandparents, but turn around and do all of the same stuff with someone he was intent on having sex with eventually (oh, get this--he wanted to do the "friends with benefits" thing with me until he got a steady girlfriend. THIS is why I don't do the "friends with benefits" thing anymore. Dan hurt me really badly with that.)...nah, I felt like I was...well, being jerked around. Did he think I was going to idly sit by and have no thoughts about it? Hell no. I'm not a meek person. I have feelings and thoughts. I'm a human being, dammit.

So, I guess I go to Rocky Horror every weekend as a sort of sort of cement that fact in This was around when I really started attending more frequently. I knew I at least had one friend up there by that point (Zero) that wouldn't jerk me around, and I wanted to be able to make some new friends. And I have, and I'm grateful for that.

I deleted my old Blog just to escape that tumultuous period in my life, and to try to erase any of the memories I had with Dan that I had recorded in that Blog. He said that he felt bad that I deleted that blog, but hey...can't take that shit back now. Since then, I have worked very hard to build a major wall between the two of us. I don't want him getting closer again. I don't know if I want to let any man get that close again. Maybe I'm just scared of letting my guard down. Maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. Maybe I'm not sure of what I'm looking for in a guy and I need to reassess my priorities. Maybe I just need to have a life first.

(Listen to me rattle on like this...I feel like Carrie Bradshaw.)


You're Most Like Carrie! You are a balance between
all your friends, incorporating both cynicism
and optimism into the group. You're uniqe, and
never want to betray that about yourself. You
will never stop looking for answers, but you
don't let that get in the way of living life.
You know when to reserved, and when to be
daring. Most of all, you're fun and
charasmatic!


What 'Sex and the City' Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


~~fin~~

I hate waking up in the morning and hearing Mom gab on the phone to Gramma about useless shit. Gramma calls five or six times in the day just to report some of the stupidest things, and Mom conversely calls her back. I can't stand it. When I am living on my own, I won't be calling my mom every single day, let me tell you that. This morning she was complaining about how I went to go see The Passion of the Christ the other day, then went and rented DVDs last night at work. So big whoopie shit deal--I went to see a movie. Honestly, I think she just gets jealous because she never gets off of her ass to do anything more than clean and buy more groceries. She was telling Gramma about the new job and how it'll be better than the job at the mall in the long run. But she still absolutely hates me going to Rocky Horror every weekend. Well, if I'm generating income, I'm going to be there. It's not like I blow so much money doing this. Cast members get in for free, and it's only five minutes away from the mall--I'm not buring much in gas just to be there. I have a social life. All she does is sit at home and watch stupid court shows and soap operas. And then she's on my ass about the next car insurance payment I have to pay her. I told her to keep her pants on and I'll pay her with my first paycheck from Blockbuster. Sometimes I think she's just so pissed that Dad's bringing in such small paychecks (he needs another job) that to make up for it, she thinks she can just bitch at me for money. Greedy bitch. Why don't she get off her ass and look for a job to help generate some income? I know I did. And don't let the MS stop you--I'm sure she can get a job as a cashier somewhere where all she has to do is stay behind the register and press buttons.

Blockbuster is going okay, so far. I realized who one of my supervisors is--I went to elementary school with Christy; we were in the same class. She remembered me; I remembered her once I got a better look at her. I wasn't close friends with her--she hung out with Dana Freeman and Michelle York and them, and I was pretty good friends with Dana at least, but I really wasn't a staying part of their little clique. *ha ha* Look at me, reminiscing about my childhood twice in one post.

I have to perform tonight. And then there's Cecilia's party afterwards. Good. After being stuck in the house all the last week with my mother (besides The Passion of the Christ), I need out. *writes down on "to do" list: get booze for party...pick up a little something for Cecilia...gas for car...POSTERBOARD!! (I'm going to get started on the "Time Warp" instructions for tonight's show.)

That reminds me...when I threw the idea to both Zero and Chris (Hot Topic Pants Chris...same Chris who tried making a move back in acting class), since they're both playing the Criminologist, they both went for the idea. But Chris tried taking it a step farther and asking him if he could help me with making it. I told him I could do it myself with no real problems, but I think he just wanted a chance to exchange phone numbers. Here's the deal...he's nice and all, but I'm not interested. But if I'm working at the mall and he drops by Spencer's to look around, he always tends to linger around me to chit-chat. A few times, he's hung out outside of the store to wait for me to get off of work, and that kind of creeped me out. (In that case, Erica or whomever I'm working with usually just lets me take the back way out of the store.) So while I'm nice to him, I'm trying to keep my distance. And this is what's worrying me. When he first started to come see the show, I freaked out. Not only is he hanging around my place of employment whenever I'm working, but now he's coming to my one sanctuary, my one place to escape everything--parents, work, Dan, my brother, Lowell in general, you get the idea. And now he's in cast. And Zero--my hero (hey! that rhymes!)--is going on hiatus next month. When Chris first started showing up, he'd help keep some distance between the two of us, but...now I'm going to have to find a way to do this on my own. What's a girl to do?

Yes!! I can't believe I gave up on this baby!! I am back, and for good. Man, I miss my Blogger. I forgot how much I liked my setup here as opposed to the LiveJournal account. I'll still use that, but I think I'm going to spend more time here.

So, what has been new with me, you ask? Well, not a whole lot. I had to take a whole semester off of school because IUN is stupid and had to raise its tuition prices up even more. That, and they don't always offer the classes that I need. I was working at WiseWay foods for a bit, but I quit that after two months since they wanted to give me the brunt share of the other tasks to do when I wouldn't be bagging. Yes, you heard me right--bagging. I wanted a cashier's position, but nooo. Bagging. The tips weren't bad, but I don't like the idea of having to restock all of the bags, take out all of the garbage, do five aisles of blocking, reshop the merchandise and cleaning all of the bathrooms while being called up to bag groceries. But after that, I got a seasonal job at the Bath and Body Works in Schererville. It didn't pay bad at all--$7 an hour, but it was only seasonal. *argh* But now I have a second job at the Blockbuster Video in St. John. It's a little over minimum wage, but I'm getting at least 25-30 hours a week, and I can work around the crappy hours I get at Spencer's, so it's not all that bad. However, I threw out quite a few job applications/resumés in the Chicago area. One is for a female sidekick position on a morning radio show (a major one!)I really hope I get that position. The ad said they were looking for a female between the ages of 20 and 30 who was a pop culture junkie and had some Spanish speaking ability. I submitted my tape earlier in the week. Keep your fingers crossed!

I ended up joining the Pink Invaders Rocky Horror Picture Show cast. It's been fun so far--I'm playing Janet.

I think I'm just going to link this baby to my LJ and see if anyone wants to read what was up with me from last spring to the end of last summer when I just gave up on this. Well, the Blogger setup only got changed if you got a new account. So I had to go through and re-publish every damn thing on here. It took quite a while to do. *argh*


Sneakers- funny, laid-back, and goofy, you love to
make people laugh and have a good time. You
enjoy comfort and don't care to much about what
people think of you. You like to hang out with
your buddies and just have a good time. [please
vote! thank you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

~~fin~~